Opening the Communication Channels

Since discovering this wonderful Web of Stepmommy blogs, I've found both comfort (I no longer feel like I'm insane, born without a Mommy gene, insensitive or selfish, and I find solace in knowing that I'm not the only person with a relationship that - at times - seems completely disfunctional because of the seemingly insane arguments that no two year old relationship should be facing) and additional anxiety - I'm less than 3 months away from Casey's summer stay with us in Florida, which may (I have suspicions) turn into a "permanent vacation.

One of my biggest fears/anxieties about her coming presence is that there is little to no communication between Charming and I about his plans, goals, expectations, or my role in the situation. I'm not a "stepmom" - as her father and I aren't married (even though that's how she refers to me), and I don't feel like I have the ability to share with him all of the helpful resources I've found online that pertain to married couples who are welcoming one partner's children into the blended family. While we are committed to each other and will have been together for two years by the time she comes to visit, I still feel awkward introducing or even discussing the things most stepmoms outline with their partners.

What, if any, are MY rights as a step mom to be? How should my role vary from that of a step mom who is already married to the SK's father?