Success! In theory, anyway

Charming was far more receptive to our discussion (once he got over his initial defense mechanisms) than I'd expected. Perhaps it was that I was prepared - I used all of the active listening lessons and feeling words ("I can understand that you're feeling like I don't like your daughter, and I can see why you would feel that way. I'm very sorry. because that's not how I feel. I feel...").

I think the "Aha" moment came when he finally looked at me and said, "So I guess this is what you were talking about when you said I needed to plan better for her to come out. I never would have thought about these things - I would have had her playing all summer long."

Among the "rules" and "boundaries" that we established:

1. What's mine is mine, and I have the right to not share those things, or to have my space violated while Casey is with us. These things include my bedroom, my closets, my fragile keepsakes, my expensive saltwater fish tanks, and my two precious dogs - especially them. I don't mind if she plays with the dogs (carefully, as our puppy is only 6 months and 2 pounds, and VERY breakable), but they will be stressed by the new addition as well, and I aim to minimize that.

2. While in my home, she must respect me as a person, and respect me as an authority figure. Temper tantrums, nasty comments, "What are YOU doing here's?" will be dealt with sternly and quickly by her father.

3. She will have a routine. That routine WILL include chores, summer reading, and working on her academics. She will not lounge around and expect that I pick up after her.

4. There will be "grown up time." At least once every other week (once a week if possible), we will have the night off to ourselves to enjoy some grown up, calm time.

5. To manage finances effectively, Casey will get an allowance for completing all of her chores and for making it through the week without tantrums.

6. Fun trips, extracurriculars and weekend adventures will be kept to a reasonable volume and will be rewards for positive behavior, not to be taken for granted.

I'll be revisiting the "Stepmom Bill of Rights" I found on www.stepmothersmilk.com, but am I missing anything major?