Jealous

Charming thinks that I am jealous of his family; that's been our latest discussion all day today after an argument last night. He thinks I'm jealous of his sister, and I can't be honest with him about why I'm not.

A little bit of back story. He has three older half sisters. He's referring to the one closest to him in age, with whom he is very close, and with whom he is involved in an almost constant discussion for how they're going to "buck the system" and make money with some sort of technological company.

Her latest is the launch of a blog, which she clams is about technology, but whose posts range from the transcript of President Obama's inauguration speech to a blurb about her son's trip to a new dermatologist (which she wrote as a "barter" agreement for his services - I will never understand someone who barters for medical services for a toddler). She wants the blog to be a commercial success, but her writing skills aren't very refined, and she's sucked Charming into spending all of his energy and time on design for the blog - which he is convinced will be the next TechCrunch.

When I pointed out some of the very obvious errors in her writing (including blatant plagiarism from another tech blog), he suggested that I should edit her blog to help her monetize it so that she could build a name for herself. With my job, helping him with his consulting work, and my volunteer work (as well as writing for this blog and another where I contribute commercially), I really don't have the time to spend doing serious editing work o his sister's blog - but he's been insistent.

Finally, last night, I told him that I didn't want to work with his sister (who's been unemployed for more than 2 years - not because she can't get a job, but because she doesn't want to work, as she wants to be a stay at home mom). He accused me of being jealous of her, which is something I've heard him say about just about every coworker and boss he's ever told me about "She had such a hard time at that job because everyone was so jealous of her," or "Her boss gave her such a hard time about her work because she was jealous of her." I am guessing that the jealousy he's referring to is that she's blonde, blue-eyed and had an hourglass figure before her son was born, but those things never really concerned me, and I'm certainly not jealous of her life - she's with someone Charming tells me she doesn't love, her pregnancy was an accident and now she has been out of work for two years.

I am quite happy with my own by comparison - I have a successful career, I volunteer for a number of organizations and sit on two boards. I am sick, but I have had a good life so far, and I'm not stuck in an unhappy relationship.

I don't understand Charming sometimes, just like with his daughter, his mother, anyone in his families - if I don't say or do exactly what he wants - I'm "jealous" of them or I have a "problem with" them. How do I get him to be respectful of me in situations like this?