Being a Childless Stepmom is Different

I came across this post on a Geocities blog, Being a Childless Stepmom is Different, and it really hit home for me. Tomorrow is D Day for me, I have my next Dr. appointment, after which he will tell me (hopefully on the spot) what my prognosis is, and whether or not my previous diagnosis will prevent me from having children.

"Being a stepmom was in NOBODY's plan."

I wonder, with the cultural shift our generation has seen, if someday being a stepmom won't have such an evil connotation to children, and if people will accept it more. Charming told me last night that Casey's mood swings stem from her being around her mother (I can only imagine what her mother says about me) and from her insecurities with me. He thinks Casey is jealous that another woman has come into her father's life and that she is being replaced. He also began to say that if he ever had more children, he would have to do so in a way that reassured Casey that she is still #1. I'm not sure that I can live with that - with MY child being #2. And I told him such. His response was that any child he ever fathered and every child he ever fathered would always be #1 - all simultaneously.

I guess I will understand if/when I am a parent, but where I grew up, there were always favorites among broods. And I'm torn. While any child I have SHOULD be his #1, and his priority, so should his daughter. Is it fair that I feel apprehensive that he would somehow care more about his first child than one that we have together?