One of the hardest parts - for me - of becoming a someday stepmom and dating a dad is that I didn't know the rules. None of my friends had ever had the experience (very few of our friends had children, period, and those that did were married) of dating a dad or dealing with an ex that won't ever go away - who manipulates the people around her - including my Charming.
Since I've started writing about my own experiences, I've come across a number of awesome blogs/forums by women just like me. I'm learning an entirely new vernacular and all of the acronyms that go with it. Before 2009, I had no idea what a BM, or SD, or DH meant. I didn't have any concept of what it meant to establish boundaries with a biomom, or to let the bioparent take on the lead role in the house as the disciplinarian and parent and to take a back seat.
Since I haven't had anyone to share experiences or compare notes with, I've often been frustrated and angry. Charming is always on the defensive; while we haven't talked about his past relationships, I heard from Casey once that all of his ex girlfriends were mean to her and didn't like her, so I imagine her presence has caused a strain on his romantic life, and he's developed an angry strategy as a defense mechanism - but it makes it much harder to plan for having this child come into my home, to understand what's expected of me and what his expectations are, without having an open line of communication.
It's now February, and in 16 weeks, Casey will be coming to live with us for 3 1/2 months during her summer break. Having begun to read these blogs/forums online has been immensely helpful, but the alarms are still going off.
Reading these blogs, one of my favorites being www.stepmothersmilk.com, has become a form of therapy for me, as well as an informal how-to guide and what to expect. Too bad "What to Expect When You're Expecting" doesn't come in Stepmom volume.
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