"My parents are coming up for lunch tomorrow and bringing Casey."
What? I thought. It was my first trip to Portland to visit Charming - about four months into our relationship (he'd flown out to see me in the meantime), and we had had a lovely week so far. I knew he intended for me to meet his parents while I was there, and I'd already met his sister and brother-in-law, but I had no expectations of meeting his daughter. I rolled over, I'd been watching a gorgeous sunrise over the city, and immediately felt an anxiety like I'd never felt. Although I couldn't place it at the time, I think it was a combination of experiences that had me terrified. I was nervous meeting his parents - I never had been in the past, but my ex's mother (while she loved me at first), gave me a terrible phobia of would-be mother-in-laws, and Charming was the family baby and only son (with three older sisters - the first potential red flag being his pecking order and "Baby" status). And he told me he was very close with his mother. Still, while anxious, I was assured that she would love me, and that set me at ease.
But this? Not only had the idea of him having a daughter not fully registered with me (I'm completely sure, looking back, that not having met her, she wasn't really real to me - and since she didn't live with him, her presence wasn't a day-to-day reality for me), but I was going to be meeting her AND his parents at the same time?
Suddenly, I was faced with being judged not only for my appearance, manners, conversation, personality, career goals, and domestic potential, but I was going to be scrutinized for my maternal capabilities. I am not a child-hating wench, but I had spent very little time around young children, and suddenly was very ill-at-ease and unsure of how to handle myself. Would she hate me? Would she resent me? Would she ruin the relationship I had with her father out of jealousy?
Charming really didn't talk about his daughter. He almost made it a point not to, and whenever I tried to discuss it with him, he became very curt and would change the subject as quickly as humanly possible. He refused to talk about his ex, claiming that just thinking of her made him angry. So I really knew very little. I knew her parents had never married, that she was 11, and that she played basketball (he mentioned once going to her game). I knew his ex was bipolar and that he and she did not get along at all, barely communicated and never saw each other. I also knew that his parents had done most of the raising with Casey, and that his mother allegedly let her do whatever she wanted.
Only a few hours later, Charming's mother called back to cancel the plans, claiming that his sister was ill and she would have to help out with her son. I later learned that Charming's brother-in-law, who I'd mentioned my unease to earlier in the week, had scolded his mother and told her that it was "too soon" for me to meet her.
We went to lunch a few days later, and just with his parents. This was, however, my first realization that there clearly were expectations of me. This was no longer just a casual relationship - if they wanted me to meet his daughter, there were deeper expectations to be had. And even though I didn't meet her on that trip, she became real, as did the thought that someday I might be the "evil stepmother."
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